Humour and a girl

My girl is a big fan of Kapil Sharma. Her words "Oh he's so funny. he's so cute". Obviously he is funny, that's the reason for his popularity. Now let me tell you a story of me trying to act funny and her responses.

It happened last morning, I was texting her. Btw we live in different parts of the country.

Girl: Good morning honey.

Me: Good morning! So early? Was there an earthquake?

Girl: Stop joking. Why haven't you slept yet? Busy chatting with your stupid girls ah?

Me: Eh! Hell no! I was reading the KFC chicken receipe. Gonna prepare this weekend and this is gonna be legendary!

Girl: Please not now. Prepare when I go out there!

Me: God knows when you gonna come here. Will prepare then too honey.

Girl: I know somebody must be coming. One of your stupid girls. I will myself go to KFC today and enjoy the original one. You enjoy with your duplicate!!

Me: That's okay dr!

I slept off...

The same afternoon, I was awaiting for my office cab at the bus stop. I thought to text her.

Me: Take care, ready to board the cab

Girl: Okies. Me at KFC Having ginger burger and "babaji ka thullu" for you. Came with a friend on his bike

Me: Okay, me too.. but a ginger tea.. I did not know that they started making burgers without chicken and with ginger. Last time I had, it was zinger burger.

Girl: Whatever. Don't piss me now

I didn't reply. After 10 minutes:

Girl: Angry kya??:(

Me: nah! Remember the KFC ad, the guy sitting on his bike and having the burger blissfully. So I thought not to disturb you. Enjoy your zinger burger oops sorry, ginger burger.

Girl: Grrr.. I will throw you from the topmost building in India

Me: Accha!! And where is that? Which place and name, please?

For like 10 minutes, there was no response.

Me: What happened dear? Google search is not working kya?

Girl: Grr.. Will throw you from Qutub minar and also a bucket of chilled water.. Now don't talk to me.. katti

Girl: My brain is quiet faster than internet.. Samjhe!!

Me: Accha!! Quiet or quite???? Btw if you throw me from qutub minar and then throw a bucket of water, will the water really affect me?? Means will it really fall on top of me?? Gravity etc...

Me: Oyeee

Me: Are you there?

Me: Tring Tring

After 10 minutes....

Girl: Happy Deepawali

Moral of the Story: A girl can be a big fan of Kapil Sharma, however she will never tolerate even 0.1% of such humour in her own life.

The pen

This is the story is of the days when I was very young. Love was not a part of my dictionary. I didn’t even know what it was like, to have the wonderful feeling of love. I was concerned about studies and Maths with which I used to struggle at every exam. My mom was a school teacher in a girls’ high school. She used to often mention about a girl. I used to hear a lot about her. She was like her favorite student. I was a single kid and often hated the kids whom my mom used to like. She was one of them. I used to hate her even though I had never seen her. The more the praise I hear from mom, the more I used to hate her! It was the month of January, I just got promoted to seventh standard. The first day at my English tutorial classes. I was waiting at the shade outside the garage cum tuition room. A girl stopped at the gate, got down from her cycle and came in. I had never seen this girl before. She came near me and passed a smile. She was bit taller than me which made me more shy. I was one of those who never interacted with girls at school even though I studied in a co-ed. I did not bother to pass back the smile and went inside the class. She sat just opposite to me which made me never take my eyes off my books. The class started and we did a few grammar lessons. Sir called her name, and soon I realized that she was the same girl whom mom used to say about. It made me hate her even more. Days passed by, and so were our classes. Even though I hated her, there was a strange sort of attachment. At times when she did not turn up to class made me wonder what made her to skip classes. It was a like a week, she was absent for classes, when she returned, she got gifts for everyone in the class.I got a pen, and it was the first time I spoke to her. The only 2 words I ever spoke to her were “Thank you” when she had gifted me the pen . Since then, I don't know what happened, but the hatred was gone. Years went by, we passed our 10th grade exams and finally we parted ways. 

   Last time while I had been  home, my parents were shifting . Mom asked me to take care of my belongings, what to keep, and what to throw. Amongst all my junk stuff, I found the pencil box that I used to carry to school, on opening it I found the pen. Yes, the very pen which she had gifted me. The pen brought in me a lot of memories of those chilly mornings and the sweaty afternoons in our tutorial classes and immensely of the girl who had gifted me the pen. It made me smile, 12 years have passed by, since I last saw her. But her picture was still vivid and lively in my mind. I quietly took the pen and kept it on my desk. Noticing that mom asked what am I going to do with that old pen, on which I replied, “ Memories, mom”. I wish I could tell her that it was gifted to me by one of her favorite student more than a decade back, however I chose not to. Was it love, affection or infatuation? I was too young to understand all that way back then.

The Dimpled girl

The longest five minutes

"The captain has turned the seat belt sign ON. We are about to land at Indira Gandhi international airport shortly. Outside temperature is 38°C". F**k 25°C to 38°C. I was about to land at Delhi. I was happy all this while. Suddenly I could feel my heartbeat. I was actually meeting her eventually. Finally, I landed at Delhi. I turned on my phone. Usually vodafone welcomes me to new places with their roaming tariffs. But it was a text from her "Welcome to Delhi, enjoy the heat". I smiled. While exiting from the aircraft, I immediately realized that I had traveled from an AC to a blast furnace. Delhi, the capital city and the city, I was scared of the most. In the recent past, it had always been in the news for the bad. In a few minutes, I was out of the airport. Taxi drivers thronging “Kidhar jana hai bhaiya, main leke jata hu”. Unlike Bengaluru, where I hardly understood the South Indian dialects, here I was able to make out everything, right to the distant whisper. But there was a strange fear and anxiety, may be due to the unbearable heat. It was a few minutes outside the air conditioned airport, I was sweating badly. I went to the Delhi Police taxi counter as instructed by her. “Bhaiya, Paharganj” and then a black maruti van was my ride with an old chacha who kept on showing me hotel pamphlets, even though I repeatedly told that I already had a room booked. Every passing auto had a poster “Arvind Kejriwal vs Sheela Dikshit” followed by a flashy tagline. It started to rain, thought it would be a breather to the weather. But unlike Bengaluru, the temperature hardly changed. It was hot and humid. An hour later, reached my destination. Turned On the noisy AC at the hotel, what a relief. It was like a mini Kashmir then. I thought to take a quick nap. A phone call woke me. “Shit! It’s 4:30 already, time flies”. I picked “Am reaching in an hour, come to the Lajpat nagar Metro station”. I took a quick shower and decided to take a rickshaw ride to the nearest metro station. My goodness, the rickshaw decided to take a route over a fly over! He was struggling hard. So I decided to get down and walk. Finally I reached the station and took a metro to Lajpat Nagar. I was waiting for her at the platform. Every minute seemed so long, I gazed on every passing face. Waiting eagerly for the girl of my dreams. Chubby cheeks, a cute dimple, sporting a nose ring. I was fond of her ever since I first saw her. It's a three year journey, and finally we meet. I kept looking at my mobile. Crazy thoughts came to my mind. What if she doesn't turn up? I came just to meet her from down South to the North. My Android was beeping constantly, displaying "Low battery". "What if my phone gets switched off now? What will be my first words when she arrived? What if she does not like me?". All these questions hovered around me. I kept on looking at the mirror hanged in a nearby tea stall. God, I was not so nervous even while during my maths exam. I was confident a while ago. Even though i had made innumerable calls to her all these years, now I did not had the guts to give a call. "What if she doesn't pick up?" So I kept on waiting, looking around the unknown faces and trying to find her. And finally she arrived, in a purple t-shirt, black jeans with a bag she was hardly able to carry. She was just the girl I had always loved; only that she was wearing glasses. She was approaching me slowly and steadily and her first words “Did I keep you waiting for too long?” 


I responded “Yes, the longest 5 minutes of my life!”